This is a free, online screened event

Synopsis:

And So I Stayed is a documentary about survivors of abuse fighting for their lives and spending years behind bars. This is the story of how the legal system gets domestic violence wrong. It is a moving portrait of Kim, Tanisha, and Nikki, three survivors whose strikingly similar stories are separated by over 30 years. None of them were believed, and each of them was criminalized for fighting back.

This film is made for and by survivors. For them/us to feel heard, seen, and believed. The filmmakers partnered with Sanctuary for Families, a New York City-based non-profit organization that serves victims of domestic violence, so the film reaches survivors, who are incarcerated, living with their abuser, or are healing after leaving a violent relationship

About Domestic Violence Awareness Month:

This film is being shown in partnership with OASIS during Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM). DVAM is an opportunity for survivors, service providers, and the whole community to join in an effort to end domestic violence. To learn about what is happening in our community during DVAM, visit www.oasisinc.org or follow OASIS on Instagram or Facebook at @OASISHighCountry. 

Content warning: This film focuses on intimate partner violence and may contain scenes or discussions that can be challenging or triggering. The local service provider for survivors of intimate partner violence, OASIS, Inc., can be reached 24/7 at 828-262-5035.

Filmmaker bio:

Daniel A. Nelson (Co-Director/Producer/Director of Photography) worked as a cinematographer and researcher on Oscar-nominated director David France's feature-length documentary THE DEATH AND LIFE OF MARSHA P. JOHNSON, which celebrates the lasting political legacy of trans icon Marsha P. Johnson and seeks to finally solve the mystery of her unexplained death, that premiered at the 2017 Tribeca Film Festival and landed on Netflix. Daniel received his MA from the Columbia Journalism School in documentary filmmaking in 2016. His thesis at Columbia was a short documentary called POSTURE about the controversial world of competitive yoga, which premiered at the 2017 Long Island International Film Expo and was published in Yoga Journal.

Natalie Pattillo (Co-Director/Producer/Writer) is a New York-based multimedia journalist. Her reporting bylines include the New York Times, MSNBC, VICE, Jezebel, New York Magazine, Al Jazeera America and Salon. She received a MA from Columbia Journalism School in 2017. Before moving to New York in 2015, she freelanced for Marfa Public Radio and West Texas Public Radio. Because Natalie has experienced domestic violence in a past relationship, her mission to uplift survivors and their stories is a personal one. Natalie’s own experiences as a survivor, as well as the passing of her sister who was killed at the hands of an abusive boyfriend in 2010, helps her understand what position the survivors in the film might have been in when they were fighting for their lives. (natalie@andsoistayedfilm.com)

Director’s Statement:

Natalie Pattillo - As someone who still has to deal with my abuser — despite leaving and doing exactly what the system demands of me — the mission to make this film is a personal one. In addition to my experience as a survivor, in 2010, my sister, Jennifer, was killed by her then-boyfriend. I often wonder what would’ve happened if Jennifer, like the survivors in the AND SO I STAYED, fought back? Would she be in prison if she killed him to protect herself? So often, people say that survivors "could've left" but ignore the fact that while they are in the process of leaving and safety planning, the danger drastically escalates.

As a survivor and woman of color, I believe that our film can uplift survivors in a culture where they are disbelieved and villainized rather than protected. Because of my experiences, I have upheld the core value that this film must be trauma-informed in every stage. That mission has allowed AND SO I STAYED to develop into a deeply intimate film with survivors who trust us with their fears and trauma and feel comfortable recounting the harrowing physical and mental violence that they were subjected to in their abusive relationships, a misogynistic and racist legal system, and a cruel prison system. I believe it is my personal duty to not just make this film, but to make a searing, indelible impact on everyone who engages with it.

Daniel A. Nelson - Working on this documentary has been a privilege, especially working with women such as Co-Director Natalie Pattillo, who has been covering this issue long before I was moved into action five years ago. In this time though, I’ve seen first-hand how misogyny and racism, which is so rampant in our society, creeps into courtrooms and distorts the truth. When a male judge can stare a domestic violence survivor in the face and tell her that she “reluctantly consented” to the horrendous abuse she was subjected to, despite evidence saying otherwise, or a white male prosecutor can call a mom and survivor, who is Black, a “hood diva”, it tells you everything you need to know about how much work needs to be done.

Listening has been imperative for me throughout this production. It’s my responsibility to listen to the experiences of women like Natalie, Kim, Tanisha, Nikki, and so many others and accept that there will always be nuances that I can never fully grasp. Over the last five years, I continue to work to hold myself accountable not only by listening but being an active participant in the study and research of these issues as I continue to learn from women leaders every day. It’s critical for men to stand up against toxic masculinity and follow the lead of women, like Natalie and Kim, who are tireless in their fight to end gender-based violence.

Press Quotes:

“‘And So I Stayed’ examines how the courts treat women who kill their abusers. The movie played a role in one case that resulted in freedom after a conviction.” — The New York Times (published 6/11/21)

“A powerful story.” — Deanna Dewberry, WHEC-NBC Rochester (published 5/10/21)

“[And So I Stayed] pairs the hard data with the real, intimate stories of those who have survived and been incarcerated.” — Abbie Perrault, The Big Bend Sentinel (published 3/31/21)

These events are made possible through the Southern Circuit Tour of Independent Filmmakers, a South Arts program. The program is made possible through a partnership with the National Endowment for the Arts.